Ask The Cullens
by jaymeecullen
Summary: The Cullens receive letters from their many fans... hahaha.... find out what happens when they read their so called "fan mail".... *MY 1ST FANFIC! cut me some slack pls.... REVIEW! thnx!*
1. Cullen fanmail

**ASK THE CULLENS**

By jaymeecullen

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS THE TWILIGHT SAGA.

_Dear Alice,_

_OMG!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!! YOU ARE LIKE, THE BEST VAMPIRE EVER!!!!!!_

_I EVEN CUT MY HAIR LIKE YOURS!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Lotsa love,_

_iSTALKalice_

**Dear iSTALKalice,**

**You are creepy!!! Go away!!! I'm telling MY Jazzy-poo about you!!!**

**YOU'LL BE SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!**

**From,**

**Alice**

_Dear Emmett,_

_I wanna marry you!!! Then "break houses" w/ you!!! ;) IM WILLING TO KILL ROSALIE!!!!!_

_Love,_

_emmettishotstuff_

**Dear emmettishotstuff,**

**This is Rosalie.... Get your freakish hands of MY Emmett!!!!**

**If you even TOUCH him.... I'll rip you to pieces.... I PROMISE!!!**

**NOT love,**

**Rosalie**

_Dear __Bella,_

_OMG!!! Why didn't you get together with Jake!!!! He's soooo HOT!!!!_

_OH! On second thought, you can have Edward, JAKE'S MINE!!!_

_Sincerely yours,_

_jakeizthebomb_

**Dear jakeizthebomb,**

**HELLO! This is Renesmee!!!**

**JAKE IS NOT INTERESTED IN ANYONE BUT ME!!!**

**SO, GO AWAY!!! BYE!**

**From,**

**Nessie**

_Dear Edward,_

_Do you like PARAMORE?!?_

_THEY ARE AWESOME!!!_

_Yours Truly,_

_edwardcullenluvah!!!_

**Dear edwardcullenluvah,**

**No, sorry, but I prefer CLASSICAL music....**

**EMMETT:**that's because he's gay...!

**EDWARD:**don't listen to Emmett... he's just jealous because I have more fangirls than him...

**EMMETT:**that's because they don't know your GAY!!!

**Love,**

**Emmett and NOT GAY Edward**

_Dear Cullens (bella too)_

_If you were had to date a human, who would you date?_

_-HUMAN_

**Dear HUMAN,**

**CARLISLE:**one of the nurses....

**ESME:**no one can replace Carlie-poo...

**EMMETT:**a REALLY HOT girl!!!

**ROSALIE:**Emmett!!!!!

**EMMETT:**only if she's REALLY hot...

**ALICE:**A fellow shopaholic!

**JASPER:**anyone BUT maria....

**EDWARD:**no one here is a good as Bella.....

**EMMETT:** because he's GAY!!!!

**EDWARD:**stop!!!

**BELLA:**Umm, No one can replace Edward, but if I HAD to choose, does Jake count?

**Love,**

**The Cullens**

_Dear Rosalie,_

_Are you REALLY pretty? Or is that just a mask???_

_I wanna know.... TELL ME PLEASE!!!_

_-lilian_

**Dear lilian,**

**IT'S NOT A MASK YOU IDIOTIC HUMAN!!!!!**

**BELLA:**HEY!

**ROSALIE:**whatever....

**From Rosalie and a very pissed off Bella**

_Dear Bella,_

_Team Edward OR Team Jacob?_

_From,_

_Sally Hockins_

**Dear Sally,**

**I thought I already said?!? I'm Team Switzerland!!!!**

**Can't anyone UNDERSTAND?!?**

**Please, stop asking those questions!!!**

**-Bella**

_Dear Edward,_

_Would you date a GIRL like me?_

_PS. Are you free Friday night?_

_Love,_

_Isabela_

**Dear Isabela,**

**No, I don't think I would date a girl like you...**

**EMMETT: **Cause you're GAY....!

**EDWARD:**No! Because I LOVE Bella

**EMMETT:** Denial...

**Oh, and NO I'm NOT free Friday night…so, don't bother…**

**From,**

**Emmett and NOT GAY Edward**

_Dear Jasper,_

_Are you EMO?_

_-emolover456_

**Dear emolover456,**

**I AM NOT EMO!!! Maybe YOU are!!!**

**Yours truly,**

**Jasper Hale**

_Dear Edward,_

_Do you knit?_

_From,_

_knittersrkool_

**Dear knittersrkool,**

**NO! I do not knit!!!**

**EMMETT:**yes you do!

**EDWARD:** no I don't!!!!

**EMMETT:**then what was Esme's knitting kit doing in your room?

**EDWARD:***speechless*

**EMMETT:** ha!!! He is GAY!!!!

**EDWARD:**I am not!!!

-**Emmett and NOT GAY Edward**

**yeah, so this is my 1****st**** fanfic story….. hope you guys like it!!! **

**DON'T JUGDE ME PLS!**

**Oh, and, If you have ANY questions for the Cullens…. just tell me..**

**REVIEW IT ALSO!!! Thnx!**

**Credits to twilighter202 for helping me…. Hahaha…. :D**


	2. gaybrotha eddie, stalking alice

**ASK THE CULLENS**

By jaymeecullen

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS THE TWILIGHT SAGA.

_Dear Bella,_

_Can I borrow Edward for the weekend?_

_Sincerely yours,_

_Twilighter202!_

**Dear twilighter202,**

**Uhm…. NO…. I don't he would wanna and, he's gone hunting on that day… and…. NO!!! oh, and WHY? Don't you guys know that I'M MARRIED TO HIM?!? Or do you believe Emmett when he jokes around and says that Edward's gay…? 'cause if you guys do, I'm gonna kill Emmett!!!**

**From,**

**Isabela Marie Cullen (tell me if you believe Em, k?)**

_Dear Alice,_

_OMG!!!!!! I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!!!!!!_

_Wanna be my shopping buddy?!?_

_You rock!!!_

_You're my fave vampire eva!!!!_

_Love ya!_

_iSTALKalice_

**Dear iSTALKalice,**

**Well….. HEY!!! your that weirdo who keeps following me and sending me gift.. oh yeah! Thank you for the Credit Card… anyways… do me a favor?**

**STOP STALKING ME!!!**

**Yeah… and you were the one who sent me the letter saying that you even cut your hair like mine!!!!!!! *growls* THAT'S MY HAIRSTYLE YOU DUNGBETTLE!!! CHANGE YOUR HAIR OR I WILL COME AND SEE YOU PERSONALLY AND HAVE YOU FOR LUNCH!!!**

**PS. I will ****never ever**** be your shopping buddy!!! Not even in a million years!**

**Sincerely yours,**

**Alice**

_Dear Cullens,_

_Yeah, so I just wanted to ask you all if you have any pet names for your "mates"? pls tell me!!! LUV YA ALL!!!_

_Love,_

_Cullenizer89_

**Dear Cullenizer89,**

**CARLISLE: **uhm…. Whitey (**A/N haha… get it?)**

**ESME: **Carly-poo…

**ALICE: **Jazzy-wazy…

**JASPER: **uhm…. nothing really…. Just alice… I love her name…

**ALICE: **awww!!! Love ya to jasper!!!

**ROSALIE: **emmy-poo, monkey man…. That's all….

**EMMETT: **rose?....really dunno… oh, but I secretly call Edward eddie! Haha!

**EDWARD: **EMMETT!!!!!!! Don't you EVER call me that! NEVER!!! Or else… I'll tell everyone what you did in your Bachelor party… I'm sure _rose _will be REALLY angry…. *winks at Rosalie* oh, and don't call Bella anything…

**EMMETT: **ahem… ahem… yeah right…

**BELLA: **just Edward… that's all I ever call him…. Ever…

**RENESMEE:** Jakey… *everyone laughs*

**JACOB: **nessie! Pls don't call me that in public…!!!

**ROSALIE: **mongrel!!! Get out of here!!! You're NOT a cullen!!! Shoo!!!

**JACOB: **whatever… wanna here another dumb blond joke, _blondie_?

**ROSALIE: **MUTT!!!

**JACOB: **DUMB BLOND!!!

**ROSALIE: **GAY-WOLF JACOB!!!!!

**EMMETT: **HEY! that's MY joke rose!!!

**EDWARD: **HA!

*THE BOYS START TACKLING EACH OTHER… randomly*

**ALICE,BELLA,ROSALIE,RENESMEE,ESME:** boys... *leaves*

**JASPER: **WAIT! WAIT! Lemme finish the letter!

**Love,**

**The Cullens (and Jacob…)**

_Dear Edward,_

_ARE YOU GAY?!? 'cuz, Emmett keeps saying you are… is it even true? Or is he just joking?_

_LUV YAHHH!!!!_

_Love,_

_teamedward _

**Dear teamedward,**

**I AM NOT GAY!!!! EMMETT IS JUST JOKING!!!! WHY IN THE WORLD COULD I BE GAY!!!!!!!? I'M MARRIED TO BELLA!!!! AND NEWS FLASH, SHE'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHT? RIGHT? AM I RIGHT?!?!**

**EMMETT: **it's ok eddie… breathe in…. breath out….

**EDWARD: **I DON'T NEED YOU EMMETT!!!

**EMMETT: **sheesh! I was just trying to make you feel better, eddie… *rolls on the floor and laughs*

**ANYWAYS… IGNORE EMMETTS WEIRDO COMMENTS ABOUT ME BEING GAY!!**

**Be safe,**

**Edward…. And weirdo Emmett…**

_Dear Rosalie,_

_What if I put glue on your hair brush? You know, as a practical joke?_

_From,_

_I'mpretty_not rose_

**Dear I'mpretty_not rose**

**SHUT UP YOU FREAK! If you ever do that…. I swear… Emmett will rip you to pieces not matter how hot you are…**

**EMMETT: **wait, she's HOT?!?

**ROSALIE: **EMMETT!

**EMMETT: **but rose, you just said she was freakin HOT!

**ROSALIE: ****EMMETT!!!!**

**EMMETT: **ok! Ok! Sorry rose!!!

**YOU ARE NOT LOVED BY,**

**Rosalie and Emmett**

_Dear Bella,_

_Would you dump Eddie if he was gay?_

_-emmett_i s hot_

**Dear emmett_is hot,**

**EDWARD IS NOT GAY!!!!!!!!**

**HEY! "eddie"?!? EMMETT!!! This is you, isn't it? Well, if it is… GET OFF THE INTERNET!! Or else I'll tell rose about your Bachelor party!!!**

**I HATE YOU EMMETT!**

**~Bella**

_Dear Carlisle,_

_Would you still bite Esme, even if she was alive and NOT dying?_

_-aly_

**Dear aly,**

**I wouldn't change her because she is alive and well… I would NEVER do that to a human… sorry…**

**ESME: Carlisle!!!!**

**CARLISLE: sorry whitey… It was only a question…**

**~Carlisle**

**yeah, so that's all…. Keep on sending me those reviews people!!!**

**THNNX SO MUCH!!!**

**Oh, and thnx to twilighter202 for her question!**


	3. 5 questions5 annoyed answers

**ASK THE CULLENS**

By jaymeecullen

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS THE TWILIGHT SAGA

_Dear Rosalie,_

_I keep trying to kidnap Jasper,_

_But every time I try, I keep seeing Alice with a baseball bat,_

_Ready to smack someone….. WHY?!?_

_-jasperluva21_

**Dear stupid,**

**DID YOU FORGET OR SOMETHING?!? **

**ALICE CAN SEE THE FUTURE, RIGHT?!?**

**Uhhhh!!!! You humans are soooo dumb sometimes…**

**From,**

**A very pissed off Rosalie**

_Dear Edward,_

_What if I paint your car PINK?_

_You know, as a practical joke?_

_As in, out of boredom?_

_TELL ME!_

_Love,_

_carcrasher123 _

**Dear carcrasher123,**

**Hmmm………………………………………..**

**WHAT IF I PAINT YOU PINK?!?!?!?!?!!!**

**ARE YOU NUTS OR SOMETHING?!?**

**WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT MY CAR PAINTED PINK?!?!?!?!?!?!**

**EMMETT: **because you're GAY, eddie….

**EDWARD: ***GROWLS* stay out of this Emmett… or else….

**EMMETT: **or else what, eddie?

**EDWARD: **hmmm…… I WILL PERSONALLY PAINT YOUR "PRECIOUS JEEP" PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW, GO AWAY!

**EMMETT: **NO!!!!!!!! PLS EDDIE!!!!!!!!!! I'LL GO AWAY NOW…..

***Emmett slowly leaves Edward's room……***

**Anyway…. IF you even think of doing it…. Hmmm….. I'll tell alice that there's a midnight SALE in the mall and that you would wanna be her shopping buddy….**

**ALICE: **OMG!!!!!!!! THERE'S A SALE?!?!?! WHEN? WHERE? YAY!!!!! EDWARD, WANNA BE MY SHOPPING BUDDY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WEEE!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

**and there you have it, how Alice reacts when there is a midnight sale, just imagine how she would react if you were already IN the mall and there was a SALE….. mwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Now, I'd just like to see you TRY to paint my car pink…..**

**From,**

**Alice, Emmett and NOT GAY Edward**

_Edward, _

_Did you ever wonder why it's called Masking Tape?_

_~Mina_

**Dear Mina,**

**Uhm………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………**

**NO!**

**From,**

**A very confused Edward**

_Dear Carlisle,_

_Do vampires have uhm….. a Penis?!?_

_I wanna know…._

_Oh, and, if they do, what are they for?_

_-Julien_

**Dear Julien,**

**Uhm…. Yes, vampires do have a….. Penis**

**And they're for…**

**EMMETT: **they're for display!!! Woo-hoo!!!!

**CARLISLE: **Emmett! Stop this nonsense!!! Or I'll take away your jeep and your Wii!!!!

**EMMETT: **NO!!!!!!!!!! CARLISLE, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways, what're our penisis for anyways?

**CARLISLE: **hmmm….. actually, they are not much use so… I don't really know….

**Love,**

**Carlisle and Emmett**

_Dear Cullens,_

_Let's say, you didn't have anyway "mates" yet…._

_Would you choose to date Mike, Aro, or a really HOT girl?_

_Love,_

_Aliza_

**Dear Aliza,**

**CARLISLE: ** UHM…. I don't really know…..

**ESME: **don't know….

**ALICE: ** UHM…… mike?

**JASPER: **ALICE!!!!!

**ALICE: **he was in the choices jazzy-poo….

**JASPER: ** ALICE!!!!! PLS DON'T CALL ME THAT IN PUBLIC!!!!!

**EMMETT: ** THE REALLY HOT GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**ROSALIE: **EMMETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**EMMETT: ** but rose, she's HOT!

**ROSALIE: **ahem….ahem….

**EMMETT: **but you weren't in the choices!!!!!!!

**ROSALIE: **UGH! FINE EMMETT, NO SEX FOR 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!

**EMMETT: **no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**BELLA: **uhm….. mike?

**EDWARD: ** BELLA!

**BELLA: **WHAT? You want me to date Aro?!?!?!?!

**EDWARD: **you have a point there, love. I'm sorry I shouted at you….

**BELLA: **it's ok Edward… *kissed him*

**RENESMEE: **ewww!!!!! Mommy, daddy, DON'T DO THAT!!!!!

**EDWARD: **WHY darling?

**RENESMEE: ** 'CAUSE IT'S YUCKY!!!!

**BELLA: ** but your gonna do that too, Renesmee…

**EDWARD: **when you grow up!

***EVERYONE LAUGHS***

**RENESMEE: **why is everyone laughing? Oh, and I wanna do that to Jacob!!

……..when I grow up…..

*** everyone laughs…. Even harder now…..***

**Love,**

**The laughing Cullens**

**Yeah, so, hope you guys enjoyed reading!!!!**

**REVIEW!**

**FAVORITE!**

**SUBSCRIBE!**

**TWILIGHT!!!!!!!**

**SEE YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	4. RANDOM!

**ASK THE CULLENS**

By jaymeecullen

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS THE TWILIGHT SAGA.

_Dear Cullens,_

_What's your favorite and least part about being vampires?_

_Love_

_I'llAlwaysBeInEdwardsColdArms_

_P.S Alice there's a sale at the mall on Saturday._

_Want to go shopping? _

**Dear I'llAlwaysBeInEdwardsColdArms**

**CARLISLE: **being able to help people….no bad part

**ESME: **being able to care for my "adopted" children….can't eat my own food..

**ALICE: ** I WILL NOT GO SHOPPING W/ YOU!!!!

**JASPER: ** feeling other people's feelings…especially EMMETT… disgusting

**EMMETT: **being HOT! And having fan girls… ABSOLUTELY NO BADPART!!!!!

**ROSALIE: **I hate being a vampire!!!!! Uhhhh!!! I CAN'T have kids!!!!

**BELLA: **being w/ Edward forever…. ABSOLUTELY NO BAD PART!!!

**EDWARD: **being w/ Bella forever….being a monster

**RENESMEE: **I'm not even a FULL vampire!!! Gosh! But at least I get to have Jakey...

**JACOB: **well….if you ask me….being a vampire STINKS! I mean, LITTERALY…

**ROSALIE: **get OUT mutt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**JACOB: **fine blondie! Kick the ONLY person who agrees w/ you, OUT!

**EMMETT: **yeah, rose, he has a point there

**JACOB: **hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE A POINT!!!!!!

**ROSALIE: **ok, fine, you DO have a point…

**JACOB: **HA! Awesome! Uh-huh! –uh-huh! OH YEAAHHHH!!!!!!! IN YOUR FACE BLONDIE!!!!!!!!

**ROSALIE: **shouldn't you be getting your _fur _groomed today? I mean, it'll get REALLY dirty if you don't…

***JACOB STORMS OFF***

**From,**

**The Cullens and….Jacob**

_Dear Jasper,_

_What would be your ideal Christmas list?_

_From,_

_Santa Claus_

**Dear Santa Claus,**

**1. BLOOD**

**2. BLOOD**

**3. BLOOD**

**4. ****BELLA**

**EDWARD: **not funny, jasper!!!!!!!!!!!

**EMMETT: **OMG!!!!!! It's Santa everyone!!! Can you believe it?!?! SANTA!

AM I NAUGHTY OR NICE?!? I tried really hard to be nice!!!!!! It's not my fault

I always want Rose so badly…

**JASPER: ** EMMETT!!! STOP THINKING THAT!!!!

**Merry Christmas Santa!**

**-Jasper,Edward and Emmett**

_Dear Emmett,_

_If you got a WII, what game would you get?_

_P.S. rose, what is the secret to your hair?_

_Love_

_BittenByTwilight333_

**Dear BittenByTwilight333,**

**Hmmm….I think I would get Guitar Hero or something…. I LOVE THAT GAME!!!!! **

**ROSALIE: **yeah Emmett, but you SUCK!

**EMMETT: **NO! I DO NOT SUCK!!!

**JASPER: **ha! Yes you do, em

**EDWARD: **yeah, remember we borrowed The Denali's WII? YOU SUCKED!

**EMMETT: **no! I….I don't remember...

**ROSALIE: **oh, and the beauty that my hair has comes NATURALLY

***THE BOYS CONTINUE TO ARGUE ABOUT EMMETT SUCKING IN GUITAR HERO***

**Love,**

**Rosalie, Jasper, Edward and a very pissed off Emmett **

_Dear Alice,_

_What if the government closed ALL THE MALLS down…_

_And you had to wear sweats to school?_

_PS. You already threw out ALL of your clothes and you needed to buy new ones ('cause you threw out you other clothes)_

_From,_

_XCrystalX_

**Dear XCrystalX,**

**I'm so sorry that I can't reply to your letter.**

**I've gone to murder the government. See ya later then! :)**

**Love,**

**Alice Cullen.**

**Dear Renesmee,**

_Do you like McDonalds? (not necessarily the food)_

_Love, _

_PlaceyPlacePatriot_

**Dear PlaceyPlacePatriot,**

**Well, I HAVE been there w/ Uncle Jasper, but, When we were at the counter, and the lady asked us what we wanted, he suddenly looked REALLY tense and said that we had to leave RIGHT NOW. I got really pissed to after that we went hunting. So, I guess, the store looked pretty good. But I never got to taste the food though…**

**-Renesmee**

_Dear Emmett,_

_If you saw me, what would your reaction be? What if Rosaliewas there as well? (Two answers!!!)_

_Love,_

_i_ emm3tt (Also nicknamed "Kitty" by various guys) ;)

PS. I'm hot

**Dear i** **emm3tt (Kitty)**

**Uhm…don't tell rose, but I'd resist the temptation to ask you out…**

**ROSALIE: **EMMETT!!!!! What did Edward just tell me?!?!

**EMMETT: **COME HERE, EDWARD!!!!!! I'M GONNA MURDER YOU!!!!

**EDWARD: **ha ha emmett, this is my revenge!!!! Mwahaha!!!!

**EMMETT: **REVENGE FOR WHAT?!? YOU B****!

**EDWARD: **oh em, don't call me a B****! You're the one who keeps calling me GAY!!!!

**EMMETT: **THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE, EDDIE!!!!!

**EDWARD: **don't you ever say that again, or I will tell Rosalie what you did in your Bachelor Party…. *smirks*

**EMMETT: **F*** YOU!!! *starts to pound on Edward*

**ROSALIE: **well….if you are hot, you'll NEVER be as hot as me!!!!

**From,**

**A wrestling Emmett and Edward and Rosalie**

_Dear Edward,_

_Why are nicknamed Eddie? Why do you love Bella because she smells pretty? Why do vampires need "protection"? Why is your hair ginger? Yes, it's not bronze, it's ginger!! STOP DENYING IT!!! Why don't you cut your hair? Yes, vampires need to cut their hair because I heard somewhere that after you die, your hair and nails still grow. SO WHY DON'T YOU CUT YOUR F'N HAIR?!?!?!_

_With NO love_

_KKK (KittyKatKontrol)_

**Dear KKK,**

**IT'S NOT MY FAULT EMMETT CALLS ME EDDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And as for your 2****nd**** question, I don't love Bella because she's smells good-**

**JASPER: **but she REALLY does…

**EDWARD: **don't but in Jasper!!!

**Anyways, as I was saying, I love Bella because she is the MOST beautiful person in the world to me. And I love her. And I don't understand your 3****rd**** question. And as for your 4****th****, MY HAIR IS BRONZE!!!!! NOT GINGER!!!! I MEAN, C'MON! IT'S REALLY NOT THAT HARD TO NOTICE!!!!!! And, as for your last and final question, I think your gonna have to ask Carlisle about that.**

**~Edward.**

_Dear Bella,_

_Is it true that you only love Edward because he's pretty? (YES HE'S PRETTY! Not beautiful, or gorgeous, or anything like that!!) and because he sparkles? Because, where I live, if a guys sparkles, he's considered GAY. (which Edward is!!!)_

_Your not-so-biggest fan,_

_3D-1S-G4Y_

**Dear 3D-1S-G4Y,**

**Uhm… I don't love Edward because he's pretty or because he sparkles!!!!**

**I love him because he LOVES me and because he CARES about me. Can you **

**Understand that?!? Oh, and, HE IS ABSOLUTELY NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**~Bella**

_Dear Jacob,_

_Why did you imprint on Renesmee? Because, apparently, you haven't seen me yet. XD Just Kidding. Seriously, why Renesmee? Just wondering….. (not that she's bad or anything, I'm just curious)_

_Love,_

_TeamJacob (BecauseEdwardGayAndHe'sInDenial)_

**Dear TeamJacob,**

**Well, I don't really know why imprinted one her. But I don't regret doing it. Nessie is awesome :)**

**Love,**

**Jacob**

_Dear Carlisle,_

_Why is the sky blue? _?___?_ Why are you a Doctor? How come you never told Esme what you REALLY do during the night shifts at the hospital? You know, with all the pretty nurses around….? By The Way, remember the girl that was running around the hospital screaming about being "bitten"? (I've been bitten! I've been bitten!) That was me. By the way, what type of superhuman power is compassion is- what do you do in a fight? Love thy enemy to death?_

_Love,_

_Me._

**Dear Me,**

**Well, I'm not a genius! How am I supposed to know why the sky is blue? And I wanted to be a Doctor because I get to save people (if you know what I mean)**

**And I don't do ANYTHING in the hospital during my night shifts, well, maybe Doctor Auzbern does, but I definitely don't . And NO, I do not remember the girl running around the hospital. And I'm afraid I don't have any special ability. People just say that I am VERY compassionate.**

**From,**

**Carlisle Cullen**

_Dear Alice,_

_You're my 2__nd__ favorite!!! Don't ask who the 1__st__ is. I don't want to die by the wrath of Alice. Can I be your shopping buddy? PLEASE? If yo are thinking of saying no, hear this: I worship Vogue and La Vida like they're the Bible. XD_

_Love,_

_ShoppingLOv3r_

**Dear ShoppingLOv3r,**

**NO, I don't think that I would want- WAIT! Did you say, VOGUE?!? I love that!!!! One of my favorites, that one is. Well, I guess I don't worship them like they're the Bible, 'cause, well, the Bible is a very important thing. Anyways, Carlisle cut off my credit card because of last week's shopping "accident". So, if you really wanna be my shopping buddy, you're gonna have to have LOTS OF MONEY.**

**Yours truly,**

**Alice**

_Dear Jasper,_

_HI! If Alice hasn't figured out yet, you're my 1__st__ favorite!!! _

_Love,_

_ShoppingLOv3r_

**Yeah, so, thanks so much to Katsummi-zhao-Yamamoto!**

**You're awesome! Thanks for the questions! **

**I guess this chapter is dedicated to her, 'cause, well, she gave me most of the questions!**

**Uhm, sorry for the late update, I had to do something….**

**Review it pls! thnx again! **


	5. Renesmee gets confused

**ASK THE CULLENS**

By jaymeecullen

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS THE TWILIGHT SAGA.

_Dear Cullens,_

_What are your favorite songs?_

_Love,_

_twilighter202_

**Dear twilighter202,**

**Carlisle: **Hmm…I think it would be any one of Edward's compositions.

**Esme: **I'm with Carlisle.

**Alice: **Material Girl –Madonna

**Jasper: **Hmm…I don't listen to music that much…

**Edward: **Bella's Lullaby

**Bella: **My lullaby

**Rosalie: **Don't stop Believing –(the Glee version)

**Alice: ***_coughs_* Gleek *_coughs_*

**Rosalie: **I heard that! Shut up, Alice!

**Alice: **Whatever sissy! Anyways, where's Emmett?

***Rosalie walks out & finds Emmett in the shower singing…***

**Emmett: **"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me! yeah!"

**Rosalie: **What the hell, Emmett?!!

**Emmett: **Aaaah! Rose! Don't sneak up on me like that!

**Rosalie: **Why were you singing…singing…

***Alice comes in and sees Rosalie and Emmett***

**Alice: **Aaaaah! If you guys were in the middle of, of "something" you could've at least locked the door!!!

**Renesmee: **Hi Auntie Alice, Auntie Rosalie, Uncle Emmett! What's the "something" you were talking about? I was taking a nap and then I needed to go potty and I overheard you talking about the "something"

**Rosalie, Emmett & Alice: **Uh…um…

**Edward & Bella: **Okay! I think it's time to end the letter!

**Love,**

**The Confused Cullens**

_Dear Cullens,_

_Why do you hate the werewolves so much? And, no Rosalie, you can't say they're ugly, stupid, stink or anything that means the same thing._

_Love,_

_jazzi-kins_

**Dear jazzi-kins,**

**We don't **_**really **_**hate the wolves that much-**

**Rosalie: **YES WE DO!

**Jacob: **No, we don't!

**Rosalie: **Mutt! What're you doing here again?!?

**Jacob: **I practically live here, supah blonde!

**Rosalie: **Ugh! Go suck your balls or something, anyway, that's what _dogs _do!

**Alice: **Aaaaah! I'm sick you two! Okay, this what I'm gonna do since you guys won't leave each other alone. Jacob, you suck like eggs & well, you stink. Rosalie, you're too frickin vain & you're a b****. Okay, that's all, goodbye now.

**Love,**

**A very pissed off Alice, Rosalie & Jacob & the rest of the Cullens**

_Dear werewolves,__  
_

_Why do you hate vampires so much? YOU CANT SAY THEY STINK OR ARE UGLY OR ARE STUPID OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT! D:__  
_

_Love,__  
_

_jazzi-kins_

**Dear jazzi-kins,**

**This is Jacob answering since supah blonde here won't let the pack in their house, anyways, we don't REALLY hate them, were just…I don't know, this isn't really my kind of letter, ugh!**

**Rosalie: **Where's the letter?!

**Oh no, sorry, I have to go now, BYE! **

**Rosalie: **It's with YOU! *growls* I thought I burned that?!! *prepares to pounce on him*

**Okay, I'm ending the letter now. *Jacob runs off***

**Love,**

**Jacob and a very pissed off Rosalie**

_Dear Renesmee, _

_Do you REALLY like Jacob?? 'Cause...you know...the age difference... (if your not ready to do 'it' with him...I could do a test run...hehe_

_Love,_

_wildcatinforks._

**Dear wildcatinforks,**

**Of course I love Jacob! He's my best friend! And, what's "do it"? I'm afraid I cannot understand. Wait, I'll ask mommy.**

**Renesmee: **Mommy!!!

**Bella: **Yes, Renesmee?

**Renesmee: **What's "do it"?

**Bella: **what?! Where did you hear that?

**Renesmee: **Nevermind. I'll ask Uncle Emmett instead. Bye mommy!

**Bella: **But-

**Renesmee: **BYE MOMMY!!! *runs off to Emmett* Uncle Emmett, what's "do it"?

***Emmett gets annoyed `cause he's playing a video game***

**Emmett: **It' sex, now run along, and let me finish my game! BYE!

**Renesmee: **What's "sex"?

**Bella: **NO! EMMETT! UGH!

**Okay, hi, it's Edward, time to end the letter bye!**

**Love,**

**A confused Nessie, a pissed off Bella, and a stupid, stupid Emmett.**

_Dear Alice & Carlisle,  
_

_Alice: I think your fashion knowledge is amazing. If you could pick any outfit for Bella, what would it be?  
Carlisle: What was London like in the 1600s? Because it seems really interesting.  
_

_Love,  
_

_Auby-Muhahahahaha_

**Dear **_**Auby-Muhahahahaha,**_

**Alice: **Thank you, thank you! Hmm…if I could pick ANY outfit for Bella..Oh! I know! I'd buy her those lingerie I saw at the mall the other day! I think I'll do it now! Bye!

**Bella: **Alice no!!!!!!

**Carlisle: **Hmm…London in the 1600s, huh? Well, it was very interesting if you ask me…

**Emmett: **There he goes again, blah, blah, blah…Jasper, help me!

**Jasper: **Okay, but only this once. I just don't wanna hear Carlisle talk about it again. CARLISLE! ESME NEEDS YOU, RIGHT NOW!

**Carlisle: **Sorry, I can't continue with the story, I have to help Esme. Bye!

***Carlisle runs off & Emmett & Jasper give each other a high-fve***

**Love,**

**Alice & Carlisle**

_Dear Emmett & Rosalie,_

_Who stays on top when you guys "do it"? Just curious._

_Love,_

_Asdfghjkl_

***The letter flies to the floor before anyone knows it's there and Renesmee finds it and reads it***

"**What's this? Oh, a letter, for Aunt Rose & Uncle Em!"**

***Goes up to their room and find the door locked***

"**Hello? Aunt Rose? Uncle Emmett?"**

"**Later! Renesmee! Were busy!" **

"**Hmm, I wonder what their doing…I guess I'll have to answer the letter myself."**

***reads it and answers***

**Dear Asdfghjkl,**

**Hmm…here we go again with the "do it" thing! What is it anyway? And what's sex? I reeeally wanna find out! Also, what do mommy,daddy & Aunt Rose & Uncle Em & everyone else do when they run up to their rooms & lock the door? I can't seem to understand. So, I'm just gonna go ahead and just say a random answer: I think Auntie Rosalie would be on top, since Uncle Emmett always carries her.**

***Bella wonders why Nessie's so quiet & finds her with the letter***

**Bella: **Renesmee?

**Renesmee: **Hi Mommy! Where do you stay, on top or in the bottom? You know, when you & daddy "do it"? What's "do it" anyway?

***Bella stares at her daughter in shock***

**Bella: **Um…who wants to go hunting?!

***Renesmee gets sidetracked and runs out the door and waits for Bella***

**Bella: *sighs for relief* Oh thank God.**

**From,**

**A very confused Renesmee**

**Okay, I'm really sorry for the superrr late update guys. I've been really busy with my other stories & everything else. Hope you enjoy this! Review!**


	6. Gossip Girl? Orphan? Friday the 13th!

**ASK THE CULLENS**

By jaymeecullen

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS THE TWILIGHT SAGA.

_Dear Rosalie,_

_Hi! I was just wondering, do you watch Gossip girl?! I la-looove it! You are similar to Blair's character…tee-hee :))_

_La-love,_

_La-la-love_

**Dear L****a-la-love,**

**Um...okay??! ****Yeah, I watch gossip girl :) BTW, I like SERENA better! How can you compare me to someone like her?! Yes, yes, she may be pretty but she's not as pretty as me!**

**ALICE: **Really, Rose? You are too a Blair! _I'm _the Serena here!

**ROSALIE: **What the hell, Alice?! Why are you even here?!? It's _my _letter!

**ALICE: **See? Blair, Blair, Blair…

**ROSALIE: **Argh!!! Alice!!!!! I'M NOT!

**ALICE: **ARE TOO!

**ROSALIE: **AM NOT!

**ALICE: **ARE TOO!

**ROSALIE: **AM NOT!

**ALICE: **ARE TOO!

***3 hours later***

**(Girls are still arguing)**

**ROSALIE: **AM NOT!

**ALICE: **ARE TOOOOOOO!!!

**ROSALIE: **YOU'RE POINTLESS! UHHHHG!

**~a pair of beautifully arguing vampires**

_Dear Emmett,_

_Did you see Miley Cyrus and that pole during the TCAs?! Damn, she was hot! _

_-mileyluver23_

**Dear mileyluver23,**

**OHMYGOD! I saw her too! She rocked that pole! My eyes were practically GLUED to our TV! Supahhh HOTT! :O **

**JASPER: **Hey, Em! Look! To your left! IT'S MILEY CYRUS!!!!!!!!

**EMMETT: **OHMYGOD! Where-Oh! Um, Hi Rose…

**ROSALIE: **Emmett Mcarty Cullen…WHAT THE FREAKIN HELL IS IT WITH YOU?!? *growls*

**JASPER: **Oooooh…I know that look. That look is NOT your friend.

***ROSALIE LAUNCHES HERSELF AT EMMETT***

**Sincerely yours,**

**Jasper, Emmett and pissed-off Rose**

_Dear Esme,_

_Have you ever considered adopting another child? A human child, perhaps? 'cause I know this place with so many cute and cuddly kids! Some are even from other countries!_

_With love,_

Little-old-annie

**Dear Little-old-annie,**

**OHMYGOSH! Really? I don't know…But I'll ask Car-**

**EMMETT: **NOOOO!!!!! ESME, NO! DO YOU REMEMBER LAST NIGHT'S MOVIE?!

**ESME: **No, what was it again, Emmett?

**EMMETT: **IT WAS ORPHAN! OR-PHAN! The one with ESTHER! ES-THER! Aaaaah!!!!!

**ESME: **OH, Emmett, it's not real. Well, except for the dwarfism part…but the rest are not _that_ real…It was just a movie…

**EMMETT: **Fine. Be that way. Adopt. Don't say I warned you…

**ESME: **Okay, Emmett Dearest…

**Anyway, but I'm not sure if Carly would approve, because having Emmett, Jasper, Edward, Rosalie, Alice, Bella and Nessie are already a handful sometimes so…I'll give you a maybe, `kay?**

**xoxo,**

**Esme Cullen**

_Dear Alice,_

_Iuewyrwefsc djfgghryh_

_Dfueigrbthnieh_

_From,_

_asedrtyhbvnm  
_

**Dear asedrtyhbvnm,**

**What the fuck?! **

**Not love,**

**Alice**

**Okay, that was a pretty boring chapter but, I hope you guys still la-love it! Ha ha! Okay, my friends say "la-love" sometimes…so, I just tried it out. Okay. Not. My. Thing. Hehe, `kaytnxbaii! Review!**


	7. Jealousy Glee Harry Potter and UNICORNS!

**ASK THE CULLENS**

By jaymeecullen

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS THE TWILIGHT SAGA**.**

_Dear Emmett,_

_How did you get so buff? Your muscles rock my sox!_

_Lots of hard love,_

_Mrs EmCullen.x_

**Dear MrsEmCullen.x,**

**Oh yeah? you love my awesome guns?! Uh-huh! **_**Everyone **_**does! They're waaaaaaaaay better than Eddie's over here… *chuckles***

**EDWARD: **Whatever, Emmett! They just love you for your girl…!

**Ouch. That hurt. They just love me for Rosalie? Waaaah! I want my mommy!!! **

**EDWARD: **Oh yeah, go on and cry! Wa! Wahahaha!

**-a crying Emmett & a satisfied Edward.**

_Dear Cullens,_

_Do you think you guys can form a group and sing & dance like the people _

_in 'Glee'? Because of your 'Vampire voices', you could make millions! If _

_you guys are actually doing this brilliant idea, can I have your autographs?_

_Love always,_

_Wildcatinforks_

**Dear WildcatinForks,**

**ALICE: **Omfg, Glee?! I absolutely heart that show!! Ahhh!

**ROSALIE: **Oh, shut up, Alice. _I _think it's a bad idea. Exposing ourselves like that. Besides, knowing Nessie, she'll bring 'the mutt' along and we all know that _Jacob can't sing. At all. _

**JACOB: **Hey, I can sing! Wanna hear me try? Huh? Huh?!

**ROSALIE: **Uh, no, sorry, the mirrors and windows might break.

**JACOB: **Okay, that's it, Blondie! What's your problem anyway?!

**ROSALIE: **YOU!

**JACOB: **ME?! Oh, I know, you have a crush on me, don't you? Awww…! That's so sweet!

**ROSALIE: **NO! _NO! _**NO!** Why would I have a crush on _you?! _You, of all people! Ugh! Ew! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Ewwwwwww!!!!!!

**ALICE: **Okaaaay…sorry to break this love fest up, but I think none of us are answering the letter?

**ROSALIE: **We were until _he _showed up!

**JACOB: **_I _showed up?! What do you mean 'when he showed up'?!

**ALICE: **Ugh! You guys are pointless! You know what, maybe you do like each other or maybe you don't! But I don't care I JUST WANT YOU TO SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**JACOB: **…….

**ROSALIE: **……..

**Sorry we weren't able to answer your letter,**

**The Cullens, and a very, **_**very **_**pissed off Alice.**

_Dear Alice,_

_I admire you fashion ability so much. You are my idol. Whenever I pick out _

_an outfit I always use my WWAW. What would Alice wear. Please Please _

_say you will go shopping with me. I have a card with no limits. And i would _

_be in awe of your fashion advise and you could pick out everything and do my hair._

_Love,_

_The young authoress_

**Dear the young authoress,**

**N-n-n-no limits…? ****I-I-I…Wow. No limits huh. And you would let me do your hair? And pick out your clothes? W-wow…**

**BELLA: **I bet she's lying.

**EMMETT: **wahahah! Bella's jealous…!

**BELLA: **Am not!

**EMMETT: **Are too!

**BELLA: **I was just saying that it's like she's lying…!

**EMMETT: **yeah, you are jealous. You're doing that thing where your eyes don't match your mouth.

**BELLA: **Ugh! Never mind! Go ahead, Alice! Shop with her! I don't care!

**EMMETT: **Sure you don't…

**BELLA: ***launches herself at Emmett* I DO NOT CARE, EMMETT! DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!?!!!!!

**ALICE: **Sheesh. It was just a letter, guys.

**EMMETT & BELLA: **Oh, yeah. He, he. Okay…we're gonna leave now…

**Love,**

**A laughing Alice and two very humiliated vampires.**

_Dear Cullens, _

_OMG DID YOU WATCH HP6?!?!?!? Wouldn't it be cool if you had magical _

_powers and met unicorns!? Write back._

_Love,_

_CRAZY-TWI-HP-FAN!!! _

**Dear CRAZY-TWI-HP-FAN!!!**

**Yes, we have watched it several times because of **_**someone **_**here…**

**RENESMEE: **Well so-rry if I lurve Harry Potter so much! Hmph.

**EMMETT: **Did someone say _unicorn_??!?!!! Waaaaah! I luuurve unicorns!!!!!!!

**RENESMEE: **Yeah, and you guys called me _annoying. _Hmph.

**EMMETT: **Charlie the unicorn is sizzling hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**EDWARD: **And you called me _gay. _Huh.

**From,**

**The forever crazy Cullens**

**So….tell me if that was boring by reviewing!!!!!!!!! Thanks :D**


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